Back to Me

If you’ve ever waited for someone to come back or for closure, this is for you.

Alright, let me catch you up, it’s been an Exes Season, and I’ve got some tea to spill.

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The last few weeks of my life felt like the final scene of a movie when everything suddenly makes sense, when you find closure for questions you’ve carried for years, even if the answers aren’t what you expected.

I’m calling this season of my life Exes Season.

Exes the old me had loved. Some I let go in the talking stage, others in situationships I should never have accepted. And now, they’re all resurfacing.

So here we begin..

1st Guy

Five weeks ago, an ex I once loved liked my photo by mistake and then quickly removed it. Out of curiosity, I checked his profile and saw he had deleted all his pictures. All except one: the photo I took of him on his birthday.

Why keep that one? He never reached out, never called, never said anything since our breakup. Yet that single picture stayed. It left me confused, but also reminded me:

You can love someone deeply, but love without communication will always fade.

⸻

2nd Guy

This one was my childhood best friend. We were 18, had feelings, but never admitted them. For over 10 years, he showed up in my dreams. A tiny part of me thought maybe life was preparing us to be together.

Recently, he was posting dark tweets about love on his Twitter or X or whatever; I reached out casually to make sure he’s okay I thought I missed this friendship, only for him to say: “There’s someone in my life, and she wouldn’t be comfortable with you around.”

And just like that, the closure I never had arrived, turns out that I wasn’t so attached to him I was attached to finding a closure.

When someone truly loves you, you’ll know. You won’t have to guess. You won’t have to wait 10 years for proof.

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3rd Guy

The narcissist. He love-bombed me, travelled to see me, texted me 24/7, disappeared when things got rough or real I guess, and gaslighted me into guilt for things I never did. Last week, he unblocked me, clearly to give me space to chase him again.

I even found an old video no one knows about; me crying, talking to myself, wondering what I did wrong, asking why he left. In that moment, I believed I had pushed him away, because that’s what he made me think.

But this time, I didn’t.

Life was teaching me not to chase. When you heal, you attract differently. And the lesson? I’m never letting someone control my energy again.

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4th Guy

This one was different. He truly cared for me, but back then, I wasn’t emotionally available. I was honest about my struggles, and he eventually left. I didn’t blame him.

Two months later, he was engaged to someone else. When I saw them, he turned his back and held her hand, almost as if to show me. Later, he unblocked me and confessed, “You’ll always have a special place in my heart.”

But he was still marrying her in November!

I told him to block me. He didn’t, so I blocked him myself.

The lesson? Sometimes choosing dignity hurts, but it’s still the right choice. Respecting yourself enough to walk away, even when it stings, is real self-love.

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5th Guy

The one I almost let in, but my gut told me he was rebounding. Recently, I saw him with the girl he was hung up on.

Lesson: Always trust your gut. It knows before your heart does.

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The Bigger Picture

All of this was overwhelming. Why did life throw everything at me all at once?

And then I realized: I was healing.

I no longer saw these moments as signs to go back. I saw them as tests. Proof that I’m no longer the person I was with them. Proof that I can choose differently now.

Life was making sure I’d passed the lessons:

Love without communication will never last.

When someone loves you, it’s obvious.

Don’t chase, heal.

Choose dignity, even if it hurts.

Trust your gut every single time.

Sometimes when life prepares you for a new chapter, it needs to make sure you’ve outgrown the old one.

And I have.

I forgive myself for everything I accepted back then.

And I’m finally, truly, back to me.

Healing work is happening, even if you cannot see it. You’ll feel its effect in the same situations, when life gives you tests dressed up like signs, just to make sure you’re not repeating your old patterns.

This time I’m choosing how to see things, I’m choosing myself.

You’re healing more than you realize. 🦋

And I’m here for you. ☕️